Ontario Steelheaders

Fishing from the shoreline is one of my favorite pastimes. I can be with friends or I can be by myself. Both situations can be equally enjoyable.

Fishing gives you time for reflection and otherwise lets your mind wander. How far it goes is up to you. It can be amazing what crosses one’s mind during fishing excursions so I am going to share some of my cerebral ramblings with you:

1. A lure is a lure is a lure. Is it not? That is the question. Is it a lure or allure that causes a fish to attack? Scent, colour, size and movement all garner a fish’s attention. My heavy footsteps and tripping over rocks while wading also gets their attention…
2. If parched, do not drink from the river water. It contains ugly little things that may cause you copious amounts of anal leakage. However in order to remain hydrated, some people say that pure water flavoured with some grains of the field does the trick. All in moderation say the experts.
3. With so many choices of colours and styles of lures, how does an angler choose an effective lure for that particular time and place? Did I bring enough tackle? (You can never have enough tackle in my mind.) Maybe I should follow my wife’s advice and just “Pick out the pretty ones”.
4. The easiest way to choose a lure is to watch what other successful fishing nuts, er…experts, are using and copy them. Yes, it does work – sometimes. This brings to mind the old slogan – “Born to fish. Not to catch.”
5. River water in the Spring can be cold and fast flowing. It is a no brainer to be careful while wading. This is said not from experience but from close encounters of the wet kind.
6. It is also wise to check your waders for leaks before going fishing. Wet feet do not promote a good fishing experience. Either do the comments and/ or laughter caused by a wet crotch or seat of one’s pants. Friends and strangers can be counted on to add to an embarrassing situation. You know I’m right.
7. Talking to the fish that are still swimming in the river is completely normal. I think. It may raise the eye brows of newbies but those who have been fishing for a period of time just smile and nod knowingly.
8. The heron down the river from me is catching more fish than I am. What’s his secret?
9. I sometimes think of the cost of fishing. One year while I was on the shoreline, I figured out that it cost me $78.00 a fish (approximately) that year. It is a good thing that I did not catch more fish or I’d be broke. It would be cheaper to buy them at the grocery store but where’s the fun in that?
10. What type of story should I make up today in case I do not catch anything? I may leave this to think about later but the ones about stick fish or the strength of the river bed monsters are always a source of inspiration.
11. Where are all those canoes coming from? Don’t they know I’m fishing here???
12. 12. Hey! Is that guy using pop (?) cans to measure the length of the fish he just caught???
13. 13. Am I having a good time? Yes, I think I am. Yes… I know I am. The fish are being kind to me today. At least no one is telling me it’s time to go. Darn, why did I think about having to “go”?

Ron, Bob and Dave were fishing in a boat when they ran out of bait. Ron got up and walked across the water to get some more bait. After two hours, they ran out of bait again and this time, Bob walked across the water to get some bait. After three hour of fishing they ran out of bait again and Dave said he would get the bait. So he stepped out of the boat and went straight to the bottom. Ron turned to Bob and asked “Should we have told him where the rocks were?”

When you go fishing and you catch something, that’s good. If you are making love and you catch something, that’s bad.

Q. What is the definition of ‘live bait’? A. The biggest fish you will handle all day.

Q. What is the definition of a ‘Fisherman’s Thumb’? A. A temporary hook holder.

A young man and an older man were fishing on a pier. The young man started telling the older one that the night before he had caught a trout that was over 3 1⁄2 feet long. The older man replied, “Oh yeah, well I was here 2 nights ago and I hooked something huge. After a 30 minute fight, I finally got it to the surface and it was an old lantern and the thing was still lit.” The young man said, “You’re lying. I can’t believe that.” Then the older man said, “I’ll tell you what, you knock a couple of feet off your trout and I’ll blow out my lantern.”

Old Dave was walking along a California beach when he came upon two men pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope. “That’s what I like to see,” mused old Dave, “A man helping out his fellow man.” As he was walking away, one man remarked to the other, “Well, he sure doesn’t know the first thing about shark fishing.”

Maude shared this tidbit with her friend over a cup of tea: “I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it’s the only time he hears someone tell him, “Wow, that’s a big one!”

Ron had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single fish. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four trout fillets. He told the fish salesman, “Pick four large ones out and then throw them at me, will you?”
“Why do you want me to throw them at you?”
“Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them.”
“Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take the orange roughy. That’s what she would like for supper tonight.”

The only time a fisherman tells the truth is when he calls another fisherman a liar

The great thing about fishing is that it gives you something to do while you are not doing anything.

The most awful thing you can say to another angler is:

“That’s a nice fish. May I use it for bait?” It was a cold winter day. Old Dave walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and patiently waited for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice and cut a hole in the ice next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line in and a few minutes later pulled out a huge smallmouth bass. Old Dave couldn’t believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. Shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, Old Dave couldn’t take it any longer. “Son,” he said, “I’ve been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You’ve been here only a few minutes and have caught over a half dozen fish! How do you do it?” The boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm.” “What was that?” Old Dave asked. Again the boy responded, “ Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm.” “Look,” said Old Dave, “I can’t understand a word you are saying.” The boy spat some bait into his hand and said… “You have to keep the worms warm.”

“I didn’t see you in church last Sunday, Thomas. I hear you were out playing football instead.” “That’s just not true, Reverend. And I’ve got the fish to prove it!”